Is love enough?

I haven’t written in a few days. Not because I haven’t wanted to but because I haven’t had anytime alone in 3 days. Dales mood has been blunt this weekend, well this week infact. He never wants to talk to me. I can talk the ear off anyone who will listen but I know Dale doesn’t listen and isn’t particually interested which leaves me in silence. Or if I do try I get a one word reply, never a response that is a question and therefore it will never lead into a converstaion. Will it always be like this? Yesterday he kicked my make up bag out of the way and when I asked him not to the reply was ‘shut up’. Somedays I wonder, is this Dale or is this PTSD? In the early stages of his diagnosis and returning home from the army for good, he was nasty. Angry and nasty. The answer to most questions were ‘whatever’ or he would taunt me with derogitory words but to him it was nothing. I felt emotionally battered, questioning myself. Does he think its nothing because hes never hit me? Maybe thats how the lads acted at camp, but he wasn’t at camp. He was at home and had a pregnant wife who quite frankly expected more.. and still does. PTSD should not be make it excusable for you to be a dick. To be rude to the people you love and belittle them so they in turn feel damaged by what you are going through. For the past year I have supported a man who has been very ill and I am doing all I can to continue as normal when things aren’t normal. So when Dale is disrespectful and talks to me like hes a 14 year old and I am his nagging mother, I can’t hellp but think I make no difference at all and maybe he will never change from this attitude. I never understood why his mother stayed with his father in the first 4 years of our relationship. His father talks to his mother exactly how Dale does to me at times. Like she is unimportant and belittles her in public. I used to be embarrassed by it. She would act like she didn’t care but you have to care surely.

How can the person that is meant to be you best friend, the mother of your child, the one person you love most of all, treat you like you mean the least? I will never undertsand and having wanted to leave 3 times in 2 years I would’ve thought it’d be enough. But it still continues….